I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
