I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
