i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
