btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
