chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
