if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
