he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
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Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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