he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
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Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
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She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.