I smell stomach acid.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
