Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
