I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
