just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
