You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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