when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
