Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You did what with his pubic hair?
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