Im at strip club and am horny
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
