Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
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Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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