Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
