i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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