The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
