So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The best revenge is premature balding
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
