What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize