I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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