I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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