I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
