I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
