My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
