3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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