Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
