So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
