Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you never un-have a 4some
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
