Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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