I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
