He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
