Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
