fuck your aforementioned shoe
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
