exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
