tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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