And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
and you fell through a lawn chair
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
