Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
there is glitter all over my balls
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
