Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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