it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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