In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
