i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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