Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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