you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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