Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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