I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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