Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
