So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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