At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
