About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
