I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
