I wish my penis had an off switch
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
