when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
