I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
