you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
