I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
