I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
