Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize