No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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