I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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