4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
