He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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