I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
