He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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