no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
