he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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