Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
