dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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