I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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