A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
