So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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