Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
