why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
