and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
